Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Self Reflection-Day 2

                                     What are you passionate about?

What am I passionate about? I would have to say my faith in God, my family and raising my kids to be strong christian men that will lead this world some day, my eBay selling (SharonRosax4 if you want to check it out), reading (need to get better about this again and get off my phone), not really much else that I can think of it at the moment.

Sad isn't it? Here I am almost 39 years old and I'm only really passionate about a few things. You would think by this point in my life I would be gung ho about a whole lot more.

I don't even really know why I hold onto this blog since I have a personal private one I write in about my family and the things we do and the accomplishments my kids do. Maybe it's because I am still at my age looking for something that I am not getting. What that thing is I do not know.
Maybe unconditional love, maybe friendship, maybe a closer walk with God, maybe all three I have no idea.
 What ever it is that my heart is longing for though I wish I could find out soon and get it. This not knowing, this hurting when I think of my high school reunion picnic and how I wished it had been different for me is hurting too much.

Listen to me ramble on and on like a little kid that didn't get her way in the candy aisle.
I don't know what is going on with me lately but between my marriage feeling like it is falling apart, my kids growing up and what I feel is not respecting me, my high school friends and non friends ignoring me and shoving me mentally back to that place I was 20 years ago, and to top it off lately feeling like I have no one I can really talk to it hurts.

  Yes I have one friend who over the last two years of getting to know her has been great but lately it seems like even she is pulling away from me. I mean Sunday she made a joke about my curly hair and if I get scared it gets curlier. And I know on the surface that it was a joke but it was just the wrong thing at that wrong time and with every other thing going on right now it hurt.

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